Good afternoon! Or good morning.. or whatever time it is where you’re reading this.
Are you having a nice day?
I am for sure!
Yesterday, I had so much fun!
We went out with a few friends and I had such a nice time.
Usually, I am not the girl who likes to go out and dance. This has everything to do with my anxiety disorder, depression and me possibly being hypersensitive. The packed dancefloor, the loud music and the alcohol make me feel very anxious.
Plus, I used to get panic attacks every time I went out with my clique after me and my (ex-)boyfriend broke up because we are both part of it and seeing him pushed my brain into the ”DANGER DANGER” zone because of all the things that happened.
But, 7 months passed by and we try really, really hard to be friends because we have played such a huge part in each other’s lives and we most certainly do not want to lose each other. It has failed several times and we had to stop talking for a few weeks because we did not want to make things worse.
But… I finally feel like things are heading in the right direction. We set boundaries together and my gut feeling tells me that this is all right.
And yesterday was the first evening I danced without feeling anxious, without getting a panic attack just because he was there. I wore my pretty dress, put on my make-up and I just felt happy!
I talked to him and I felt so happy. I even did a little, funny dance with him. We even hugged and this time I did not start trembling like a maniac. I even smiled and dared to talk to him more than just ”hey”! It felt so nice to finally be near such an important person and not having to fight that battle inside of ”there’s no need to panic / RUN AWAY. NOW”. It felt so incredibly good to finally talk to him and think: yes, even after all the things that happened, he is my best friend.
When I woke up this morning, I felt so immensely happy. I felt like I radiated smiles everywhere I went. I felt so damn proud of myself because well, I DID NOT PANIC!
I really thank my other best friend for this, too. Her name is Gabriëlla and she has been my friend since we were like…14? 15? (Bae( yes I call her bae) if you read this.. how old were we when we met?) And the fun fact is that I first kind of hated her. And gradually we grew to be best friends.
She has been there for me whenever times got rough and she never gives up on me.
Thank you so much bae ❤
If it weren’t for you, I don’t think I would have ever gotten my ”panic brain” to the stage where it can be around my ex without panicking.
Thank you to everyone who is there for me and sticks with me even when I act like a brat or when I feel like giving up. Thank you for being there mum, dad, sisters and friends. Even the people who do not know me that much and ask me if I am okay. Thank you. Thank you Gabriëlla and thank you my teabuddy.
Last night was such a big moment for me. It was such a big milestone.
I proved myself that my mental illness does not define me. I can conquer it.
It will not get me down.
As for you reader, when you read this and you feel like you will never get to the point of saying ”it will never get me down”. Trust me, keep on going and you will get there. I promise!
Lots of love,
This is one of those songs which DJ’s like to play over here. We do not particularly like the song and we do not really understand why it’s played every time. But everyone knows the lyrics and its awesome when we all sing along. Nyeh. I have nice memories when I listen to this song.
When I was in the first grade of high school (brugklas, in Dutch) we had to sing this song in class and I liked that because we automatically did echoing things, without the teacher telling us so. It sounded so awesome!
Nevertheless, it is a good song.
P.S. I’ve also got Tumblr now! You can go to my page by clicking on the button on the top right corner of my homepage and if you’re there, you can also follow me 🙂
P.P.S. you can still help me in the contest by liking my picture!
info is in This post. Thank you!!
P.P.P.S.: Do you need help with finding someone to talk to? Maybe this is a start for you on opening up about how you feel: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/general/i-need-someone-to-talk-to-about-my-problems-but-where-do-i-turn/