Studying, studying and more studying.
It is kind getting on my nerves right now. I developed a back-ache, shoulder-ache and if that was not enough I got ill today.
Oh, and it is also blue monday.
Unfortunately I have to keep on studying because I am in the middle of my exam period so I can’t slack off.
Upcoming Wednesday I have to do my fluency exam. Then I will sit down with a fellow student and talk about certain topics in front of my teacher(s). They will then judge how fluent I am in English and if I am able to use it a somewhat academic setting.
I chose to talk about Burn outs among young people. A few minutes ago I saw an article on how ‘blue monday’ is just rubbish and made up, but it does cause people to talk about depression and such, which I think is a good development.
A few weeks ago the news platforms here in the Netherlands were all talking about the same thing: how the burn-out rate amongst people younger than 33 were rising drastically. Scientists think that this is due to the increasing pressure put on the young generation, something I believe in the blink of an eye. I really do think that the pressure to do everything right is too high. The bars are simply set too high and I think it is time society sees that they cannot continue raising all bars because eventually nobody will be able to reach it anymore. I do not think that what universities -or I experience it like this- ask is simply too much. Sometimes I really ask myself what the hell I am doing at a university if all I have to do is rote-learn some words I will surely forget after I’ve passed the test, or cram the titles of texts and their authors because I have to recognise a text. I mean, I think that university should be about your ability to explain what a poem or a story is about and provide information about its theme and context. Not know who wrote which text by heart. I do not think that any teacher would be able to do this. Yes of course, they know some of them by heart. But I do to. I know some (parts) of poems by Shakespeare by heart and parts of novels, but that is because I like them. Not because someone told me to learn them by heart. If teachers have nothing to ask at an exam, then don’t make us take an exam. Because this is bullsh*t to my opinion. It makes me feel like a failure sometimes, simply because I’m not good at remembering things like that. But then I totally forget that I AM able to explain poems and stories and provide context. If only I wouldn’t fail a stupid exam because some teacher made me learn something ridiculous by heart.
I am really getting angry here.
Maybe I should stop writing.
I think you get my point.
Another point I think influences young people negatively is social media. Personally, when I look at the pictures at instagram I get nauseous. I feel awful. I feel ugly. I feel sick. I feel fat. Not good enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough.
Every time I get off instagram I vow to myself to eat less. Watch what I eat because I have that little bit of belly fat, and because I have those little belly rolls when I sit. Because my bubblegum-bum is not a size 0. Because I have thunder-thighs*
But you know what? I am going to be like Marilyn Monroe: I will have curves, because I am human. A student. I love food. I love candies and cake, god I love cake. And how else am I going to fill up my pretty 50’s dresses? Girl’s gotta have curves to make those look good ya’know.
I am going to learn to love my TT’s and my BB, because someone out there loves bubblegum-bums and thunder-thighs and eating cake with loads of whipped cream.
Last week, I saw a few pictures of when I still weighed 54 kilograms. I felt sick to my stomach. I looked so thin it was not healthy and still thinking that I looked fat. I can tell you: it was not fat. At. Freaking. All.
What do you think? Are young people under too much pressure? Is social media influencing us too much? Do you have a name for your thighs as well? Let me know down below in the comments so we can discuss and share thoughts!
As always check out my social media pages! Especially instagram 🙂 I would love it if you did.
You guys I think it is really scary to share this all. I really feel insecure and I’d rather puke all my food out once I’ve eaten it. But I need the food so my body will function and I am able to study. I’d rather have a bachelor’s degree than a thin body in an unhealthy way. So please, be kind in the comments. I just want to share my feelings so I can maybe reach that one person who does not know how to start a conversation about this and enable them to talk about it this way. You’re not alone! There is always help out there.
Lots of love,
*Yes, I call my thighs ‘Thunder thighs’ because they have stretch marks, but stretch marks are just Thor’s lightning marks so I am a daughter of Thor. So I have thunder thighs. And I need my l thunder-thighs and my bubblegum-bum to keep me and my floaty-doodly-always in the clouds-head down on the ground you know! I am sure someone out there will absolutely love my soft legs and my wobbly bum and will make me love them just as much.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAH the greatest Showmaaan! I saw this movie on my birthday (4th January) and MAN. I loved it! Best birthday ever. I loved this song in particular and I want to share it. Because it made me feel that it is friggin’ alright to be myself and fight for me. Not let the mean people get me down.