Challenge day two!
Ready, set, GO!
The challenge told me to write about “something someone told me that I never forgot”.
I spent a good few minutes thinking about this one since there are a lot of things that people tell me which I never forget. In the blur of all the thoughts which sprung to my mind, one was protruding all else: “your legs are quite big huh?!”.
I do really lively remember when and how this was said and by whom. I just choose to not write down who said it or in which circumstances because I do not want that person to find out the impact of something they will probably not even remember through the internet.
This sentence… that little itty-witty-sh*tty sentence has had a humongous influence on my self-worth. I regard that little sentence as the onset of my problem with eating and my body-image. To be honest, it hurt me a lot even if I was just between the age of ten and twelve. It hurt me enough to make me remember it almost weekly, daily even. That one sentence springs to mind when I look in the mirror and see my thighs.
Now, I know that this person did not say this to me to make me feel bad about myself. This person said this just as a statement, yes it was a dumb one to say to a young girl, but still it was not intended to hurt me this much. Nevertheless, it hurt me. It really hurt me.
I haven’t had the guts to confront this person about it. No clue why. I just do not want to tell this person how much they hurt me by stating something like that. Maybe I will after posting this.
In my head, this sounded as critique instead of just a statement. With the people around me who were my example at that age, it is not strange that I started to feel insecure about my thighs. I started to feel guilty for every candy I ate, even for all the food I ate, and that has never gone away again. It has only gotten worse over the years. I know that it is just my DNA which make my thighs the way they are and that there are people who adore the way I look. I know that I am healthy and that I am at exactly the weight I am supposed to be. I know that. My body is not supposed to be thin, it is supposed to be a little curvy and a little blotchy. That’s in my DNA and that’s beautiful too. Someone will love me and my thighs someday.
There is just that thought in the back of my mind. That lingering little sentence “Hey your quite big aren’t they!?”.
I wish they never said it to me because I feel like that is the point where all the problems began. You know what the worst thing about this is? I have never ever told anyone about this and here it is, on the internet. When I get the opportunity I think I will talk about this.
I have to.
Maybe I will show them this article so I have a starting point because I do not know how to start talking about this.
I don’t know.
I don’t feel beautiful enough…?
Well, Thank you for reading day two of my writing challenge! Next time I pinky-promise that the content will be a lot happier and brighter. I promise!
Don’t forget to check out the challenge on my instagram page too.
Lots of love,