Ah I am already writing day eight of my March Challenge! It is going so fast y’all.
Today I have to write a little sumthn’ sumthn’ about something I struggle with.
There is so much I could write about now since I struggle with a lot on a daily basis.
The things I struggle with tend to fluctuate a lot. One day my main struggle can be a panic attack and one day it can be that I do not feel pretty enough to leave home.
However, when I started to think about what I struggle with the most lately I came to the point of weight loss and food.
Now, let me clear the air: I am not trying to lose weight or putting myself on a diet. Rather the contrary: I am trying not to lose any weight and eat whatever I want to. This has been quite difficult lately since I have this constant fear of being fat or getting fat. I think I found the reason behind this a few days ago, which I wrote about in This article. I just feel so guilty whenever I eat something just because I want to. My head always stuffs itself with thoughts like: “No, don’t eat that. You don’t need that because you’re not hungry so why eat?” or “You already ate enough today. The cookie is pure sugar anyway so why fuel your sugar addiction?” or just “If you eat that you’ll get fat”.
It is true that I have a sugar addiction and that I am trying to come down from that because I used to eat two or three bags of candy a week. Which is not very healthy and since I am trying to become a healthy person I decided to get rid of my sugar addiction. It has proven to be a hard job to get rid of a sugar addiction though! I’ve already experienced the headaches and grumpiness and right now I am experiencing a dry mouth(which doesn’t go away when I drink water cry cry) and just an ache for sugar. SO listen to me kids, never get addicted to sugar because it is SO HARD to get rid of a sugar addiction, loves. Take that from me.
Now that I think about it, I worry a lot about my appearance in general. I hate to go out in public without make-up lately. I know that nobody will think less of me when I do not wear make-up and just show up in a hoodie and old jeans but I am just very afraid to run into my ex-boyfriend and then look like shit. I am still quite angry with him and I just want to kind of show him what he let go? I have no idea. It’s just this fear of running into people I kind of dislike and then having to hide myself because they look better than I do. I don’t want to feel that humiliated, I guess. Even though I am the one imposing this on myself I just…no I can’t. I am just a little bit of uncompromising towards myself. It is hard to not dress up and just go to school with no make-up, a messy bun and a hoodie.
Well, there you have it. Something I am struggling with these days.
I think it is quite serious and I have to work on it for sure. It is not something that’ll go away in a little bit. Have you ever struggled with something as much as I struggle with this? Let me know! You can leave a comment or go over to my instagram page and talk to me! I love to talk to people and exchange thoughts. You can also send me an email of course. As always, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!
I would like to give you one last advice:
See you tomorrow!
Lots of Love,